


First Loves

by Im_writing_out_of_time



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Body Dysphoria, College, Genderfluid, John is sweet and must be protected, M/M, Other, Sexxxxx, Those boys went from 0 to 100, Trans Character, Trans John Laurens, sex on the same day they met
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 03:37:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11432361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_writing_out_of_time/pseuds/Im_writing_out_of_time
Summary: Jacqueline Laurens makes a life-changing decision on her first day of college. No longer would she be Jacqueline, but John Laurens: College Student.





	First Loves

**Author's Note:**

> John is gender fluid. That isn't quite as important to the story line quite yet (just know that he's trans and prefers male pronouns), but later in the story, he'll go by Jacqui/Jacky and use female pronouns. It'll make more sense as the story progresses, promise.

John looks down at his chest and his eyes begin to well up with tears. He hated his body. He looked up from his body and into the mirror. He grabbed a hair band from his wrist and wrapped it loosely around his hair before grabbing the scissors from the counter. _Well, here goes_ , he thought, hacking at the hair. He pulled the hair band from what was left of his hair and shook it out. He smiled in the mirror at the shorter hair, long enough for a ponytail, but not too long to look feminine. He took the cut hair and threw it all in the garbage. Looking in the mirror, he wiped at the tears that were sliding down his face, laughing. _This is me._

He grabbed a couple rolls of ace bandages from the cupboard and padded to his room. He began wrapping them around his chest, flattening his breasts; the one thing he hated the most about himself. He fastened it off and pulled on his t-shirt, covering the tight bandages. He pulled his jeans over his wide hips; one thing that would always show who he used to be. He grabbed a light jacket and pulled it on before tossing his hair back into its much shorter pony tail. Swiping his keys off their hook, he locked his house door before heading to his first class of the day. It was the first day of his junior year and he was a completely different person. _Literally_. No longer was he Jacqueline. He was John Laurens. 

He wasn’t sure whether he felt more male or female on any day. He hated his breasts, but wanted to carry life inside himself. Often, he felt more like a ‘he’ than a ‘she,’ and more like a John than a Jacqueline, but he could never have the bottom surgery. Even his nickname, Jacqui, could be changed to the masculine Jacky, a common nickname for John. He stopped at the crosswalk in town, waiting for the light to signal him to walk. The light changed and he walked across the street. 

He wanted to be early to class so he could scope out the place, find the best seat and get to it before anyone else could. He turned onto the sidewalk on the campus and strode to the building where his first class was. The halls had been cleaned and the smell of ammonia filled the building. He walked in the lecture hall and found a seat toward the front. Pushing his earbuds in, he turned up the volume and closed his eyes, resting his head in his hands. 

His body was swaying slightly as the music swirled in his head. He felt something brush against his back and his eyes bolted open. The room had filled and the thing he felt brushing against him was one of his classmates, a cute classmate at that, sitting next to him. He pulled his headphones out and smiled at the disheveled guy beside him. He had hair falling from his ponytail and tired eyes. He looked up and smiled at John. 

“Hi. Alexander.”

“John,” he answered quietly, blushing as he looked at his paper. “John Laurens.” Alexander went back to scribbling in his notebook and John stared at Alexander’s profile out of the corner of his eye. It was the first day of school and the professor was already ten minutes late. John could hear the other students buzzing about having five more minutes left before they could leave. The final five minutes of their wait flew by and everyone started packing up, many grumbling over the fact that they had rushed to get there. John tapped Alexander on the shoulder and he looked up. 

“The professor’s not here, so everyone’s leaving.”

“Okay,” he smiled. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

John blushed again. “Uh, I was just gonna head back to my house, but you can come with me if you want.” 

Alexander grabbed his notebook and stood up. “Well my dorm is right on the other side of campus, if you want to go there. Or we could go to your place.” 

The pair began walking up the steps of the lecture hall together. “Do you have a roommate?” he asked.

“No. I was never assigned anyone.” His hair tie was still sliding slowly from his hair and John reached over and pulled it out from the last inch of hair it was holding on. 

He held the elastic band out to Alexander. “Sorry,” he blushed. “It was falling from your hair. I didn’t want you to lose it.” He didn’t want to admit that he loved the feel of Alexander’s hair, how he loved the smell of it riding on the breeze, following him as they walked. He didn’t want to admit that he was hoping the handsome brunet felt something for him, just as he did for Alexander. “Let’s go to your room.” They were standing so close that John could smell the gum on Alexander’s breath. Their arms brushed a few times, and John dreamed that it was really Alexander wanting to hold his hand, though he knew it was just the bounce of their strides. 

Alexander’s hand brushed against John’s once more as he tugged at the lanyard in his pocket. He shoved the key in the door and pushed it open. There were clothes in the hamper and one of the beds was messy, but John couldn’t care less. All he could think about was the smell of the room, how it smelled like Alexander. John trailed behind Alexander and sat on Alexander’s bed, just looking around at the room. There were posters on the wall and a flag hanging in the closet, partially hidden by stacked plastic storage totes. There was only a small bit showing, and John could just see the colors black, yellow and green along the side of the flag. 

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom quick, okay?” 

John nodded, biting his lip as Alexander walked out the door. He slipped his shoes off and laid back on the bed, the smell of Alexander surrounding him. John could faintly smell old parchment paper and he smiled. It was already inherently obvious that Alexander was into writing. John smiled and laid on his side, contemplating whether he should move onto the spare bed before Alexander came back or not. Footsteps pattered into the room and John’s eyes bolted open as the bed sank beside him. 

Alexander was sitting beside him smiling. “Getting comfy?’

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” John could feel the blush on his cheeks burning red. 

Alexander chuckled softly. “Don’t be,” he said. Alexander reached out a hand and helped John sit up on the bed before going to close the door. He stood in front of John and smiled. John stared into Alexander’s eyes before grabbing his shirt and pulling him on the bed. Alexander’s eyes were wide as he suddenly found himself on his back, John hovering over him. Alexander’s hands grabbed John’s waist and his thumbs slipped under his baggy t-shirt, lazily tracing circles on John’s soft skin. 

John couldn’t take it anymore and he pressed his lips against Alexander’s. He slipped down and sat in Alexander’s lap, straddling him. His hands wrapped in Alexander’s hair, the thick locks running through his fingers. Alexander’s hands ran up the John’s back and rested on the small of his back, his fingers still dancing against the smooth skin. His fingers brushed against John’s binding and his eyebrows furrowed. John pulled back, out of breath and saw the look on Alexander’s face. John pushed himself off Alexander’s lap and pushed Alexander back on the bed. He jumped off the bed and grabbed his shoes, pulling them on and running out the door. 

Alexander was shocked but he stood up and ran after John, calling his name. He ran through the quad, looking for that dark head of wavy curls, the beautiful tan skin. His gaze caught John’s bouncing waves disappearing around the corner, towards town. Alexander cut through one of the buildings and out a back door before running up a side street. “John!” he cried out. “John, where are you?” His head swiveled in every direction until he finally saw John wrestling with a door lock. He ran to him, tears welling in his eyes. “John, why did you leave me? Why did you run?” 

John’s body shook as he sobbed, his head resting on the door. “I’m gross, disgusting. I’m a freak of nature!” His voice cracked and he slid to the porch. 

“John,” Alexander whispered, sliding beside John on the porch. “I knew the whole time. It doesn’t matter. It’s who you are.”

“What?”

“I knew, John. I knew the whole time. Your binder isn’t pinned right, it caused a bump under your t-shirt. I uh-” Alexander chuckled slightly as John looked at him, his face growing red. “I may have been checking you out a little.”

John laughed, wiping tears from his eyes with his thumbs. “You knew? And you didn’t care?” 

Alexander brought John into a hug. “I don’t care, John. It’s who you are.”

“Why did you look angry when I pulled away, then?” John whispered. 

“John, darling, it’s dangerous to use ace bandages to bind yourself. It wasn’t anger, if it came off as that, I’m sorry. I was worried.” 

John stood up, pulling Alexander with him and he pushed the door open. He stepped in the foyer and tossed his keys in the bowl on the counter. Alexander stepped in behind him and stood awkwardly in the foyer, kicking off his shoes and putting them by the door. John pulled off Alexander’s coat and hung it in the closet. 

“Why don’t we finish what we were doing earlier. I promise I won’t run away again.” 

Alexander nodded and grabbed John’s hand. “I’d like that,” he grinned, leaning in for a kiss. John surprised him by kissing him back forcefully, wrapping his fingers in Alexander’s hair. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had someone care enough to chase me.”

“I don’t know why I care so much, John Laurens, but I do. I care so much. And when you pushed me away and ran, damn, that hurt so much.” 

John looked in Alexander’s eyes. “Catch me,” he ordered, jumping into Alexander’s arms. His legs wrapped around Alexander’s waist and he bit his lip before pressing them Alexander’s neck. “My bedroom is upstairs.” His breath fanned across Alexander’s ear, making him shiver. 

“Oh god John, do you know what you’re doing?” 

“Take me, Alexander.” 

Alexander set John down on the ground. “John,” he whispered. “Are you sure? I mean absolutely positive. We just met, and I mean, I’m willing, I just- Are you willing to let me be your first, and see you completely naked, and let me love you like you deserve?” 

John slumped down on the couch. “Oh my god. I didn’t even think of that. I’m sorry Alexander.” 

Alexander pushed him back on the couch. “I’ll still kiss you though. That, I know you’re more than willing to do.” John smiled up at Alexander, wrapping his arms around Alexander’s neck, pulling him close. Alexander brought his lips to John’s neck and trailed kisses from his earlobe to his collarbones. A feminine moan escaped John’s lips and his hands dropped to hide his face. 

Alexander grabbed John’s wrists and pinned them above his head. “Don’t ever be embarrassed around me.” He kissed across John’s chest to his other collarbone. “Make whatever noise feels right and don’t-” He licked up John’s neck and bit his earlobe before releasing it. “Don’t feel embarrassed.” 

John’s eyes were wide, hanging onto every word Alexander said. “Do you mean that?”

“Absolutely. It’s who you are, John, don’t ever be ashamed of it. One day, I hope you trust me enough to see you for who you are.” 

John leaned up and kissed Alexander. It was passionate, but he was holding himself back. Is it normal to feel such strong feelings for someone you just met? Maybe it had to do with the fact that Alexander accepted him for who he was, rather than branding him as a freak. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he cared enough to follow John, instead of just brushing him off. “I think I’m starting to fall for you,” he whispered. 

Alexander smiled. “Well can you let me know when you figure it out? Because I know I’m falling for you.” John blushed and Alexander laughed, throwing his head back. “That’s part of the reason why. That slow blush that crawls up your cheeks. It’s adorable. You’re adorable.”

“I’m not adorable. Not even close,” John whispered. 

“What do you mean? Of course you are. Just look at you.”

John didn’t need to look at himself. He knew what was there and he hated it. He hated the freckles on his cheeks. He hated the waves in his hair, he would rather have curls, the list goes on and on. 

“Stop, John. Fuck, you are too gorgeous for your own good, and you don’t even know it.” He grabbed John’s hand and set it on the bulge behind his zipper. “You did that. Nothing else, John. You and only you.” 

“You’re not making me want you any less,” John whispered. 

Alexander smiled. “I wouldn’t want you to want me less.” He leaned down and molded his lips to John’s before sitting beside him on the couch. “I have to go to class, but I promise I’ll come back. When are you free?”

“I’m free until four and then I have a class from four o’clock to five thirty.”

“That’s when my last class is too. Do you mind if I come over after?”

John smiled. “I’d love it.” He pressed his lips to Alexander’s and rubbed the bulge that his hand was still pressed against. He kept rubbing as Alexander’s breath started coming in pants. “Cum for me, Alexander,” John whispered. 

Alexander bucked his hips and lifted his shirt, the head of his hard erection peeking above the waistband of his pants. “Oh god, John.” He threw his head back as he came undone. “John!” Alexander leaned back on the couch, his seed covering his stomach. “When did you learn to do that?”

John smiled. “Just now,” he whispered, leaning down and cleaning the mess on Alexander’s stomach, swallowing it. 

“John, if don’t stop, I’m gonna take you right here.”

John straddled Alexander’s lap and began to grind his hips. His mouth pressed against Alexander, his tongue begging for entrance. Alexander opened his mouth and groaned as he tasted himself on John’s tongue. 

“You could take me right now,” John whispered, his breath fanning Alexander’s ear and jumped off. “But you’ve got class. Come on, go.” 

John walked to the front door and motioned to Alexander’s shoes before going to the closet and grabbing his coat. “John, you’re a little minx. But you’ve just ensured that I’m coming back later.” And he did. 

He walked with John back to the apartment, a package hidden beneath his jacket. They made it there in no time and they both stripped off their coats and shoes at the door. John leaned in and gave Alexander a kiss before questioning the package in his hand. 

“Oh! I uh- Let’s go to your room for a minute.” 

John’s cheeks turned red before nodding his head and leading Alexander up the stairs. He sat on his bed, his heart racing. “Alexander, what are you doing?”

“John, can you trust me? Can you trust me to see every part of you, every flaw you think you have, all of it?”

John nodded his head and squeaked out a little “yes.”

“Okay, close your eyes and lift your arms up. I’m going to undress you, okay?”

John’s eyes had daintily floated shut, but now they shot open. A wild look was in his eyes. “Alexander, I really don’t-”

Alexander pressed his lips to John’s gently, enforcing that fact that he wanted John’s trust. “I won’t hurt you, I promise. If anything, I’ll probably get turned on at the sight of you.” He gestured down to his zipper. “Never mind, just thinking about you got that covered.” John smiled, obviously still scared, and he closed his eyes. 

Alexander pulled off John’s t-shirt and tears began to well in his eyes. The ace bandage was obviously too tight and John’s skin was rubbed raw around the edges. “Oh, John,” he whispered. His hands reached for the pins in the ace bandage and unpinned them, setting them on the bedside table as he began to unwrap the ace bandage. The tears streaming down his cheeks were mirrored on John’s. Alexander unraveled the final layer of ace bandage and tossed it on the bed before leaning down and kissing the angry red skin on John’s chest. “I don’t want you hurting yourself like this,” he murmured, his voice cracking. “Lift your arms up.” 

John lifted his arms up and he could feel the smooth sensation of fabric running down his arms. “Can I open my eyes now?” His voice was small and timid and he was trying not to cry at the fact that Alexander had seen his breasts. 

“Yeah, open ‘em.” John wiped the tears from his cheeks and opened his eyes. Alexander stood in front of him, a sad smile on his face. “I didn’t know what size you were, so I guessed.”

John looked down at his chest and saw a black binder covering his chest. “Oh, Alexander!” he cried. “I love it. Thank you so much.” Tears were streaming from his eyes as he stood and tackled Alexander to the ground. “I love it, I love you.”

“There’s another one in the bag,” he whispered between kisses. 

John began to take off Alexander’s clothes, starting with his shirt, peppering kisses all over his chest. Alexander’s body shuddered with each kiss and his moans sounded like music to John’s ears. 

“John, oh god. John, if you don’t stop, I won’t be able to stop myself.”

“Then don’t,” John whispered. “Take me Alexander. I want it to be someone who cares about me.” His arms crossed across his body and he grabbed the elastic band of his binder. His hands trembled, but he pulled the binder over his head and tossed it to the floor. 

Alexander moaned, as John’s naked chest rubbed against him. “Oh, John.”

“Call me Jacky,” he whispered. 

Alexander opened his eyes and looked at the beautiful figure straddling him. “Okay, Jacky,” he growled before kissing John’s lips. 

John had his legs wrapped around Alexander as he straddled him. His chest was pressed against Alexander’s and the constant stimulation of their nipples made them kiss each other more fervently. “Take me on the bed Alexander. Undress me.” 

Alexander lifted John up, laughing at the jerky awkwardness of his movements, and set him on the bed. The way John was grinding his hips against him had him harder than ever. “Oh, Jacky. Are you sure you’re ready for this? I’ll make love to you like you deserve.”

“Alexander, darling?”

“Yes, Jacky?”

“Why am I still only half naked?” He had managed to put his body dysphoria out of his mind and all he could think about was Alexander. He didn’t want the bad thoughts coming back. 

Alexander smirked, his face level with the waistband of John’s jeans. “Yes, my love.” He unbuttoned the pants and slid them down, tossing them to the floor along with John’s socks. His tongue traced the waistband of John’s boxer briefs and Alexander could feel John’s body shaking. “Jacky?” John’s breathing was quick and his fingers fisted in the sheets, his eyebrows furrowed, tears streaming down his face. “John, talk to me.”

“I’m a girl, Alexander. Vagina and breasts and everything. I was dumb to think I could ever be anything but Jacqueline.” 

Alexander pushed himself off John and wrapped his arms around him instead, their bare torsos against each other. “John, please. You’ll be John unless you wake up one day feeling more like Jacqueline. I’ll call you whatever name you want on whatever day you feel more like one or the other. I wasn’t attracted to your body, I was attracted to your face, your voice, this overall beauty that just radiates from your body. I love you, John. Jacky. I love you, no matter what. And I know it was quick since we met nine hours ago, but you just captured my heart since I saw you. So you have breasts and a vagina. Okay. I guess it’s lucky for you that I’m bisexual,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at John and his small body shook with laughter. 

“You mean it?” 

“Of course I do! We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you’re not ready, this can wait.”

John squirmed out of Alexander’s arms and stood up. He swallowed hard and his hands shook as he pushed his boxer briefs to the floor. “This is me,” he said timidly. 

Alexander’s eyes grew dark and his breath started coming out in pants. He stood beside John and stripped the rest of his clothes off in one push. John’s eyes were big as his eyes raked up and down Alexander’s body. When he reached Alexander’s head and neck, he saw a smirk adorning that gorgeous face of his. 

“Take me, Alexander. Make love to me.” 

Alexander set John back down on the bed. “I will.” He pressed his lips to John before pushing him back on the bed. His tongue traced John’s core, feeling his wetness, before licking up his stomach and taking a perfect rose bud in his mouth.

Feeling Alexander take John’s nipples in his mouth was more than John could handle. Alexander’s fingers slid their way to John’s core, gently thrusting back and forth inside him. “Alexander,” he mewled.

“Come for me Jacky.” John’s core squeezed Alexander’s fingers as he came on Alexander’s fingers. John let out a feminine moan, but unlike earlier, he didn’t hide his face. “Good job. You didn’t hide your face this time.” 

John smiled, his breathing heavy. “I need you Alexander.” He grabbed Alexander’s hard length and moved it to his entrance. “I need all of you.” 

Their bodies moved in sync, their moans becoming breathy. Alexander’s thrusts were gentle inside John and John was quickly rising to another orgasm.

“Alexander, I’m getting close again.”

Alexander smiled. “Come for me,” he whispered, his voice growling against John’s jaw. John’s body shook against Alexander’s and hearing John moan was his undoing. He kissed John passionately as he came, riding out both their orgasms before he collapsed on top of the small body beneath him. “I love you Jacky.”

“Oh, Alexander,” he chuckled. “I love you too!”

They laid there, their bodies tangled with each other. John thought Alexander was asleep when a tired voice growled from beside him. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself John?”

**Author's Note:**

> Stalk me on tumblr
> 
> @im-writing-out-of-time


End file.
